8 Ways to Support Anxious Children
Photo by AMONWAT DUMKRUT
An Active for Life article by Susan Scandiffio explores 8 ways to help your child’s feelings of anxiety.
Nervousness and fears are common as children’s worlds expand and they deal with new situations. However, sometimes fears become overwhelming and children can develop more serious anxiety that impedes their ability to function in everyday situations.
The article quotes Janet Morrison, a lecturer at the University of Toronto’s Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work and a psychological associate who has provided assessments and psychotherapy for children for over 25 years, who explains “the symptoms of kids’ anxiety can range from obvious signs, like crying or rage, to more subtle things, like stomachaches or changes in eating habits. Parents are usually the best judge of what is normal, and what may be a sign of concern, she says.”
Morrison lists 7 indicators that your child may be feeling anxious:
1. Increased crankiness or anger which may involve more fighting than usual with siblings
2. Stomachaches
3. Disturbances in sleep patterns, nightmares
4. Change in appetite, either eating more or less
5. Headaches
6. Bouts of crying
7. Meltdowns (more than usual) over small things such as getting dressed or brushing their teeth
She offers 8 suggestions for supporting your children when they are feeling stressed or anxious:
1. Talk to your child and encourage them to express their emotions: “Morrison recommends that you ask kids directly what they’re worried about if they’re showing signs of anxiety. They may not be worried about the things you expected, and they may not be able to express their worries fully. Let their questions guide the conversation. Validate their feelings but assure them that there are ways to handle them.”
2. Develop an anxiety “toolbox”: “Help your child anticipate worrying situations and prepare for them to happen.… Use words of encouragement, be patient, and assure them that they can work through their fears one step at a time.” The article provides an example of how to work with a child to begin to overcome their fear of dogs.
3. Kids love routine: “Routines help kids feel anchored, secure, and in control.” The article provides a link to a printable sample of a simple tool you can use to help kids plan their day.
4. Keep spirits up with games, activities, and outdoor play: Laughter and movement are great mood regulators. Try to get outside every day if possible and “make fun the cornerstone of every day”. The article provides links to a number of possible activities for outdoor, indoor and nighttime:
⁃ 49 fun physical activities to do with kids aged 2-4
⁃ Sprinkler games for hot days
⁃ 13 fun activities to play in the dark
⁃ 4 ways to add fun to household chores
⁃ 7 fun & friendly indoor activities
5. Schedule quiet time every day: Allow time in the day for children to decompress with some quiet time scheduled into every day.
6. Keep kids away from the news: The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, notes that young children can’t put scary news in perspective, so hearing about disasters, crime, and other negative events can leave them feeling stressed, anxious, and afraid. The article also recommends parents and caregivers “try to limit how often you talk about distressing or upsetting news events with other adults when children are in earshot.”
7. Focus on your own mental health: Kids sense the feelings of others. The article recommends that it is essential for parents and caregivers to keep in mind that nothing in life has to be perfect. “Take care of yourself—however that looks for you. Schedule quiet time into your day. Connect with friends and family. Keep up your own food, hygiene, and exercise practices. Schedule your own activities into the day, whether it be a comedy you want to watch, a bubble bath, or a book you’ve been wanting to get to. At the end of each day, give yourself a pat on the back for every small accomplishment.”
8. Foster confidence: The article recommends that parents and caregivers focus on the positives, strive not to make comparisons between children, let children take on challenges, and praise them for their strengths. “Your child needs to know that someone is always in their corner and recognizing their progress, effort, and individuality.” Some concrete examples include:
⁃ Give your children small jobs around the house or garden
⁃ Let them experience some letdowns or frustration without it becoming overwhelming. “When you see that your child is working on something that’s not going their way, step back and give them a chance to keep trying. If they can’t overcome the challenge, let them know that it was a tough thing to attempt and that you’re proud of them for working on it.”
⁃ Be a role model by telling your kids that you’re working on something that’s challenging but that you’re going to keep trying.
⁃ Introduce steps towards independence (e. g. Letting your 3-year-old make choices about what to wear from a limited range of options).
⁃ Keep a list of challenges that your child has met and keep it somewhere they can see it. From time to time, remind your child or a challenge they have faced and overcome.