Harvard University Center on the Developing Child: Mattering in Early Childhood

Photo by Omar Lopez

The Harvard University Center on the Developing Child working paper “Mattering in Early Childhood: Building a Strong Foundation for Life” explores how mattering affects children’s lifelong health and well-being, and provides tips for promoting a sense of mattering in young children.

The concept of mattering – the feeling that we are valued and have value to add to the world – has emerged as a key ingredient to well-being in adults. This working paper addresses a lack of exploration of the value of the concept for young children, concluding that, while it is never too late to build a sense of mattering, “by starting early, we can have an outsized positive effect on children’s lifelong health and well-being”.

The authors of the working paper argue, “when young children feel like they matter, it gives them emotional security, a stable foundation that supports their mental health in childhood and beyond. That emotional grounding helps fuel healthy development, fosters positive self-esteem, and gives children the confidence to try new things and take healthy risks. It can also serve as a powerful protective factor against increasing rates of stress, anxiety, depression, and loneliness that are well documented in the United States among children and caregivers alike.”

Mattering has two essential ingredients:

1) Feeling valued: the intrinsic assurance that you are significant to the people and places around you

2) Adding value: the sense that others rely and depend on you for help

The paper notes, “like the construction of a house, the brain develops in a predictable sequence, and what’s built first supports everything that comes after. Early experiences significantly impact the nature and quality of the brain’s developing architecture by determining which circuits (connections between brain cells) are reinforced through repeated use and which are pruned away due to lack of use. When those first foundational layers of brain architecture are anchored in ‘mattering’ – consistent signals that you and your contributions are valued – they help create a foundation sturdy enough to handle the complex social interactions we all face throughout childhood, adolescence, and later in life…. Children feel they matter when adults listen, assign them real responsibilities, recognize their efforts, and create places and policies that make them feel included and important.”

The core building blocks of mattering include:

Recognition

You and your actions are valued, and your absence would be felt. Offering recognition to young children may include listening attentively as they talk and keeping eye contact to show your interest and attention.

Attunement

You feel deeply understood and meaningfully responded to. This can include a caregiver attending to a child who is upset, even if the reason seems trivial from an adult perspective.

Reliance

You feel needed because others depend on you. For young children, even small chores – helping to sweep up after dinner at home or giving out snacks at daycare – can have a powerful effect.

Importance

You feel significant because you’re prioritized. This might look like a young child receiving recognition in their preschool classroom for helping others or a community receiving investment for a new playground.

Ego Extension

You feel cared for because others are invested in your well-being. This could include things like a preschool teacher checking in with a child when they are struggling to complete a task, or a grandparent making time for a weekly call.

The following are some of the key building blocks, and benefits, of feeling valued:

Foundational bonds

While the building blocks of mattering begin at home, responsive, attentive relationships with caring adults in all spaces of a young child’s developmental environment help build a strong foundation for lifelong health and well-being.

Studies of children who have managed to thrive despite experiencing significant adversity most commonly show that they have had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult.

Stable, interactive relationships with a broad range of caring adults contribute to a love of learning, a positive sense of self, social skills, successful relationships, and a solid understanding of emotions and commitment - all of which are important for our lifelong well-being.

Rewarding interactions

In infancy, positive social interaction sparks the release of chemical signals of reward and pleasure, such as dopamine and serotonin, acting as blogical affirmations that a child is significant in someone else’s eyes. While the signals may change as we grow, the need remains unchanged. In adolescence and then adulthood, we continue to search for signs that our presence makes a difference, our actions are noticed, and our absence is felt. When we do feel that we matter, the same brain systems are activated, offering emotional reassurance and physiological benefits.

Healthy brain development

Starting in the prenatal period, our experiences and exposures can cause structural adaptations in brain architecture. And, beginning in infancy, our earliest experiences - such as responsive serve and return interactions or neglect - shape the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), a region of the brain that monitors and appraises social acceptance and exclusion…..Simply put, when we feel valued by others, this experience of mattering connects the brain’s reward circuits to our long-term sense of self-worth, and over time, these repeated positive neural responses can strengthen into stable psychological well-being.

A protective shield

Mattering in early childhood is key to later positive health outcomes….Supportive responses by adult caregivers hep calm the stress and immune responses, bringing the body’s systems back to baseline. This cycle of activation and restoration teaches the body’s systems how to operate in a healthy way. These same kinds of supportive responses from adults, which calm the stress response, also signal to infants and young children that their needs matter and that their caregivers value them enough to respond…. Studies indicate that children and adolescents who had strong bonds with their caregivers in their early years are better able to regulate their emotions, cope with stress, and engage in prosocial behaviours and positive peer relationships.

Key Components of Adding Value:

Making a Difference

Early mastery of experiences and modelled perseverance help children internalize two essential truths of mattering - that they are capable of making a difference, and for that reason, they are valuable to those around them.

Being Entrusted to Make Meaningful Contributions

Giving young children age-appropriate tasks or chores allows them to play an active, contributing role. From a very young age, they can start adding value in small ways, such as helping choose a book to read together, or helping a grandparent reach their eyeglasses. By age two, children can help with tasks both at home and in early care spaces such as tidying up, filling a pet’s water bowl, or assisting with meal or snack preparation.

Building a Mattering Mindset

A sense of mattering can be strengthened by involving children in tasks that benefit the entire group, not just themselves. In early care settings or at home, these actions might include helping to tidy a shared play area after snack time, rather than simply cleaning up their own crumbs. Contributions that care for the collective signal to the child that their efforts have a ripple effect within their broader mattering ecosystem.

Caregivers can further help children develop this mindset by linking tasks to the well-being of others, e.g. “Dad is cooking dinner, so can you help by setting the table?” When children take on jobs that meet real needs, they’re practicing the skills of mattering, namely noticing genuine needs in their community and stepping in to meet them.

Feeling Appreciated

How we talk to young children about their contributions can shape their self-image and sense of mattering. Making it about an intrinsic trait (e.g. “You’re such a helper.”) versus one specific action (“Thanks for helping.”) allows children to internalize that their helpfulness is not just a one-off act but an enduring and appreciated part of their identity.

Creating a Positive Feedback Loop

Over time, when children are relied on and receiving consistent cues from adults that their efforts are essential, it creates a positive mattering feedback loop.

The Power of Peer Influence

As young children grow and begin to have more interactions with peers, these relationship can reinforce or erode a child’s budding sense of self-worth. Positive peer interactions, such as being invited to play having one’s ideas listened to, or receiving help from a friend, signal to a child that they matter and are valued.

The Impact of Place

Home is the place where mattering begins, and forms a primary, inner circle that shapes a young child’s sense of feeling valued. As children grow, places that are predictable, welcoming, and responsive – like a neighbourhood playground, a childcare centre, or a grandparent’s kitchen table – can become ‘mattering spaces’, or places where children reliably experience safety, recognition, and opportunities to contribute. These spaces often provide a sense of routine that deepens a child’s trust in the world and cements their belief that they have a place in it.

The Influence of Adult Mattering

In infancy and early childhood, the messages children receive from the world are filtered through their parents, older relatives, and other primary caregivers. When an adult’s own sense of mattering is under strain, the stress can seep into other parts of life, referred to as the spillover-crossover effect….In these moments, when a caregiver might still be physically present but their emotional availability subtly shifts, they may miss opportunities to attune to the child or have less bandwidth to handle conflict. Conversely, adults who feel they matter are more likely to offer attuned, responsive care….Policies and programs that support caregivers and minimize stressors – from paid family leave to housing subsidies – can play an important role in building this ecosystem and helping all our children to thrive.

11 Ways to Help Young Children Develop a Strong Sense of Mattering

1) Practice serve and return daily

Responding warmly and promptly to a child’s cues whether it’s a smile, a cry, or a question, shows them they are worthy of a caregiver’s time and attention.

2) Model repair

When an adult intentionally reconnects after a conflict, it tells the child that the relationship is worth repairing because they are worth it, reinforcing that they matter and are valued even when things are hard.

3) Know the child

Notice what excites them, ask questions, and listen. It shows they’re seen and valued for who they are.

4) Watch for anti-mattering

Be alert to messages that make children feel invisible or unwanted, especially those from marginalized groups. Every child should hear and see that they matter.

5) Encourage them to contribute

Help children build a mattering mindset in small, age-appropriate ways, like handing out spoons or putting away toys.

6) Call them a “helper”

The language we use helps children see their contributions as part of who they are.

7) Support excluded or isolated children

Connect isolated children with counselling, mentors, or group activities to help rebuild trust, foster a sense of belonging, and feel valued.

8) Value caregivers

Parents, teachers, caseworkers, and other caregivers need to feel appreciated and supported so they can give their best to the children in their care.

9) For nonprofit leaders

In family programs, treat each person as an individual. Use names, listen fully, and respond with care to show they matter beyond their case file.

10) For business leaders

Reinforce to employees that they matter by involving them in decisions that affect their jobs, keeping workloads reasonable, and recognizing their impact. When employees feel they matter at work, they have more bandwidth to care for their families.

11) For policymakers

Invest in supports for children and caregivers, such as home visiting and paid leave, so that families feel valued and are able to thrive.